During Moonglasses’ genesis, one of our founding editors had a dream in which, rather than producing literature, we created a catalog that sold Snack Pack pudding repackaged and disguised as high-end, artisanal pudding. Please note that we would never deceive you in this way. We are serious, ethical people where matters involving pudding authenticity are concerned, but even more important to us is what we publish here at Moonglasses. In fact, we believe very much in our superiority to pudding. If you, however, do not, here is a carefully-constructed list written in hopes of convincing you otherwise:
- Pudding contains lactose. We, however, are lactose-free.
- In that same vein, we contain no preservatives, artificial flavors, GMOs, or chemicals, nor are we associated in any way with Monsanto. We are also safe for consumption by people with nut, wheat, and soy allergies, as well as those with celiac disease. Individuals with other dietary concerns, please feel free to contact us, and we will cater to your needs to the best of our ability.
- According to Senator Bernie Sanders, the six Walmart heirs own more wealth than the bottom 42% of Americans. While pudding is readily available for purchase at Walmart, Moonglasses believes in wealth equality and is not for sale at any multinational retail corporations.
- Pudding harms the environment. Moonglasses does not come in plastic cups. We are proud to be 100% biodegradable.
- Pudding makes you fat. We contain zero calories and are committed to the fight against childhood obesity.
- Pudding can be stolen. School bullies have a longstanding reputation of stealing pudding from lunch boxes. We have designed our product in a way we believe will prevent 100% of thefts. In the unlikely event that someone steals Moonglasses from you, one of our lawyers is standing by, ready to speak with you.
- Blood pudding is not real pudding. With Moonglasses, what you see is what you get. We do not believe in false advertising.
- Pudding is transient. You eat it, and it is gone. What remains but the lingering taste of pudding on your tongue and the presumption that your mouth once watered? Nothing. Nothing remains. Pudding is a reminder of the fleeting nature of all things. Like our souls, it merely passes through. Only literature is permanent, able to transcend time and expiration dates. And while paper books may get lost, torn, or left in the rain, Moonglasses is not susceptible to the elements—we exist completely online, and what is more enduring than an online literary journal? ✷